Shamrock Football Club Senioren - ZKB

Shamrock vs ZKB Match Report

as written by Legolas, son of Thranduil, and Gimli, son of Glóin

First 12 Minutes:

Legolas: Ah, the Shamrock lads took to the field like elves to a forest—swift and nimble, seizing control of the ball. But beware, ZKB showed glimpses of menace in the final third. Mikie nearly breached the defenses with a shot that struck the post—alas, the woodwork was no ally today.

Gimli: Bah! “Swifter than elves,” he says! That Mikie fellow barely brushed the post. Had a dwarf taken that shot, the post itself would be singin’ in agony from the sheer force. ZKB’s no slouches, I’ll grant ya that much—they’re plannin’ somethin’.

Minute 16:

Legolas: Maksym, with the elegance of an elven steed, drove forward, found Jomy, who delivered a marvelous cross to Ryan. Ah, but the offside flag was raised! Precision denied by human fallibility, yet the movement was graceful indeed.

Gimli: Bah, graceful my axe! ‘Twas all flash, no grit. And tell me, lad, do your elves even know the meaning of “offside”? Ryan refused to heed the call! I’d have lobbed that ref myself, had it been me on the pitch!

Minute 21: Goal 0-1 ZKB

Legolas: ZKB broke through Shamrock’s lines and lofted the ball over the keeper with startling precision. A goal! The Shamrock defense seemed momentarily ensnared, as though by some dark magic.

Gimli: Pah! Dark magic? It was naught but skill, laddie! A dwarf would have done it faster—none o’ this dainty loftin’ about. That ZKB forward’s got grit!

Minute 28: Goal 1-1

Legolas: Maksym struck a free kick with the ferocity of a storm—one might have thought it destined to sail wide, but fate favored Shamrock, and it found the back of the net.

Gimli: Aye, the wind shifted, no doubt! It’s luck, not skill, that goal. Had a dwarf swung his hammer—erm, I mean leg—at it, the keeper would’ve been halfway to the locker room by the time he spotted it!

Minute 30: Goal 2-1 Shamrock

Legolas: Ah, a twist of fortune! Mikie surged into the penalty area and fell, rather theatrically, if I may say so, yet the referee pointed to the spot. Shamrock accepted the bounty, and Maksym coolly dispatched it.

Gimli: Theatrics? A dwarf would have gone down with honor, none of this “theatrics” nonsense! But aye, the penalty was called, and Maksym did his duty. Even if the ref’s eyes are softer than elvish silk!

Minute 32: Tempers Flare

Legolas: Lewis committed a rather unnecessary foul, prompting a fierce exchange. A ZKB player reacted heatedly, but Andries saw to it that the subsequent free kick was met with dwarven-like resistance.

Gimli: There’s the dwarven spirit I like! Lewis got under their skin, and Andries cleared that ball with the grit of ten mountain goats!

Minute 38: Yellow Card and Coaches’ Displeasure

Legolas: Ryan received a yellow card for dissent, and the Shamrock coaches Matt and Jonny—both, understandably, vexed—took issue with the referee’s less-than-elflike reply: “If he’s getting hurt, take him off.” Quite the unsympathetic counsel.

Gimli: Harumph! I like that ref’s spirit! Not every battle needs coddling. But to see Matt and Jonny stormin’ about—that was better than any old goal!

Minute 41: Mike Taken Out Without Card

Legolas: Mike was denied a chance by a rather brutish ZKB tackle, and yet the referee withheld a card. Curious how his leniency favors the rough.

Gimli: Bah! It’s all fair play! An elf would complain over a tap on the boot. Mike ought to be grateful he got a taste of dwarven defense!

Minute 63: Goal 3-1

Legolas: A moment to behold—Lewis broke through and, with remarkable selflessness, squared the ball to Alberto. On his final game, Alberto claimed his first goal. A poetic farewell indeed.

Gimli: Ha! I never thought I’d see it! A player passin’ up a chance for glory. Only a dwarf would give away such an honor for a friend—but I’ll tip my helmet to Alberto. Not a bad lad.

Minute 69: Goal 4-1

Legolas: Jomy was played through onside while ZKB stood frozen, thinking Ryan was offside. With a touch of elven patience, he waited and scored, though it slipped through the keeper’s legs.

Gimli: Elven patience? I’d call it dithering! He shoulda sent it home with a dwarven blow—none of this delicate prancin’! Still, a goal’s a goal, even if ZKB’s defense was stiffer than a troll in daylight.

Minute 73: Goal 5-1

Legolas: Maksym curled a pass, and Ryan surged forward, finishing with finesse near the post—a graceful dance of precision.

Gimli: Bah! All this “grace” again! A dwarf would’ve cannoned it home—none of this twirlin’ about! But aye, that Maksym knows how to curl a pass like the finest dwarven forge-hammer.

Minute 76: ZKB Free Kick Attempt

Legolas: ZKB tried to salvage some dignity with a distant free kick, yet it drifted woefully toward the corner flag. It appears even in their darkest hour, ZKB’s aim deserted them.

Gimli: Pathetic’s what it was! A dwarf would’ve driven that ball straight through the net, nevermind the corner flag!

Minute 78: ZKB’s Last Attack and Defensive Resilience

Legolas: ZKB rallied for a rare attack, but Artem thwarted their advance with a tackle as sure as a swift arrow. Andries, ever steadfast, blocked a follow-up shot, showing the resilience of a mighty oak.

Gimli: Ha! Resilience of an oak? That’s dwarven resolve, elf! Artem’s tackle was fine enough, but Andries’s block was the work of a true defender—a real shield brother if I ever saw one.

Full Time Summary

Legolas: And so, the match ended 5-1, with Shamrock victorious. They played with elegance and cohesion, growing stronger as the game progressed. Though ZKB showed moments of promise, they were ultimately outmaneuvered, unable to answer Shamrock’s combination of skill and resolve. A well-earned victory for Shamrock, indeed.

Gimli: Aye, well-earned, but let’s not dress it in silk! Shamrock brought the grit and the goals, out-musclin’ ZKB by match’s end. A fine game—and more than enough to satisfy any dwarf. Let’s hope the lads toast with good ale tonight!

Farewell Song of Alberto

As sung by Legolas, with grudging harmony from Gimli

Farewell, dear Alberto, of Shamrock’s fair green,

Swift as the river and sharp as its sheen.

A final goal scored on your last, noble day,

The echoes of cheers, in our hearts shall stay.

Your boots tread the field like leaves on the breeze,

Light yet unyielding, as roots of the trees.

And as you depart for lands yet unknown,

Know you are honored, our brother full-grown.

Gimli’s verse:

Now, off ye go, Alberto, lad bold,

In dwarven halls your story’ll be told.

A first goal, a last game—aye, a legend to be—

Raise a tankard in your name, hearty as can be!