Shamrock Football Club Senioren - Siemens

SHAMROCK 5 – 0 SIEMENS

As dictated by Louis van Gaal, Master of Football, Philosopher of Structure, Destroyer of Chaos

“Let me tell you… this… THIS was not a match. This was an education.”

From the first whistle, I saw it. I felt it in my bones. The symmetry. The geometry. The Van Gaalian harmony. Shamrock… my students… they were playing chess with football pieces. Siemens? They brought checkers to the Colosseum.

Drazen – magnificent man – gets wide, like I told him in my dreams. He crosses. The keeper – timid, like a child chasing pigeons – flaps at it. But we are not yet clinical. We are just beginning to cook.

Then Matt – a soldier! – goes through the back of the striker like a wrecking ball dipped in tactical discipline. The ref gives a foul? Pah. Let them have their pity whistle.

We pass from the back. Patiently. Like surgeons. Each pass… a question. Each movement… an answer. Then it happens – Ryan drops in like a philosopher descending from the heavens, squares it. Tobi – the shield of Sparta – protects the ball, gives to Maksym. Maksym shoots from Narnia. It goes over. Yes, over. But still… the intention… the philosophy… the courage!

Drazen then… oh my god. He blocks two clearances with his head. The man is made of concrete. Then he challenges the keeper with the recklessness of a man who knows no fear. Madness? No. Controlled madness.

Siemens break. Poor Siemens. They run like chickens who’ve just seen the fox. Nothing comes. Nothing will ever come.

The play stretches – from left to right – like an accordion of destruction. Maksym sprints. Drazen, again, puts in a ball painted with poetry. But where is the striker? At home eating soup? Keeper claims. Shameful.

13 minutes in. The siege begins. We enter their half and do not leave. Like Napoleon, but with better haircuts.

Then – Maksym again. From outer space. He unleashes the fury of a thousand midfielders. GOAL. The net cries.

Corner. Maksym hangs outside. I whispered this to him in the warm-up. “Wait for the chaos. Then strike like the hawk.” He listens. He obeys. He scores. 2-0.

Siemens break, one last desperate gasp of a dying empire. Matt – bless this man’s commitment – tracks the striker into the abyss, slide tackles him into irrelevance. Only a corner. Nothing more.

Pedro – my beautiful octopus – spreads himself like he’s in Cirque du Soleil. Saves with grace. Elegance. No problem. We continue.

Then… the moment. The thunderbolt. Morgan Wack – yes, that’s his real name, he didn’t make it up for the tabloids – smashes a ball from the curvature of the Earth. 3-0. The crowd levitates.

But I get angry. Why? Because now we shoot from everywhere. This is not Van Gaal football! Matt, my lieutenant, lets them know. “We pass. We build. We devastate. We do NOT shoot like headless chickens!”

4-0. Redemption. Tobi to Ryan – Ryan with the hips of a flamenco dancer – slips it to Ahmet. He’s running out of pitch, out of oxygen, out of hope. But he toes it past the keeper. Miraculous! Theological!

At one point, Jomy, full of confidence, tries to break down the left wing — he plays the ball past an older-looking player, maybe 45, maybe 105, who knows — and he thinks, “Yeah, this is easy.” But no! The old man turns on the jets like a vintage Volvo in sport mode and somehow beats Jomy to the ball!

And then… the final masterpiece. Built from the left, swept right. Ahmet drives. Łukasz overlaps – like poetry in cleats. Ahmet slides him in, Łukasz squares it to Jomy at the back post. Simple. Elegant. Devastating. Like a ballet of destruction.

Łukasz even tries some skills. For the people. For the art. It doesn’t work. But still… it sings to me.

And Maksym? My general. My tactician. He needs a yellow. Why? To serve the long plan. He wrestles. No card. He kicks the ball away, finally – finally! – the referee realises he’s not just a man… he’s a visionary. The yellow arrives. The cycle is complete.

Final Score: Shamrock 5 – Siemens 0.

Total domination. Tactical ecstasy. Pure, unfiltered Van Gaal.

I have seen the future… and it wears green and white!